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All I ever wanted to see you smiling.
All i ever wanted was to make you mine.
& today that ended. Today in the early morning hours you reffered to me as a cheap whore. You spoke to me in the same monotone requests of every blank face that hands me dollar bills. You secured in me the doubts. I used to ponder these things, deny them, ignore them. I always attempted convincing myself that I was more. My internal chants of having worth beyond a satisfyer of lust were crushed by the one person I always hoped saw more. Not a single straight man in my life respects me as a human being. They see only sex. They push and pull and beg insesintley for my flesh. I sometimes plea to be seen. For me. And not the shell I reside in. But it never mattered as much as now. Because I always consoled myself in the thoughts that it least ou thought more of me. But you didn't. You don't. You love her, respect her boundaries. And come to me for the piece of ass she wont give up and you wouldnt dare ask for. I hate you. I hate e. I am absolutley done with everything. I want nothing more than death. Prince Charming is just that, a fairytale. Fuck you.

Logic stifles power.

I have decided that the only reason a human has never taken flight with nothing but their bodies is because they truly believe they will fall. If you can tap into your subconscious and erase all apprehensions, you can do anything. You can connect with the vast world around you. We all live in fear, we stifle our own power. Even I am afraid of falling, despite my recent revelations concerning life. So this is something I am adamant about changing. I'm going to fly. I'm going to be the first human to ever take flight with nothing other myself. First I must erase all fears I have, for if I am even just slightly afraid, I will not be able to conquer this quest. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to continue to tap into whatever it is that I am discovering, to become a higher being. We could all be one with everything around us, develop a superior spiritual intellect, if we just tried.
I, am going to fly.

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September 2010


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